So this is Day 5 of “Best of 2009” Blogger crew (see what I did there with that picture above this post) and today we have TartyTart from over at Love Shack, Baby out of the windy city. If anyone knows tart, then they know this is the post for (and from) her. It is all in good fun and she is more than a good sport with all us “guy bloggers” in making it her sole purpose to make us blush, and she has done just that on more than one occasion. And I like it.
Now kids, what do you need to know when taking that special someone back to your “Love Shack”? Well if it happened this year, hopefully were prepared…if not, Tart provides all you need below. Enjoy!
Kissing to the right soundtrack can make making-out feel like being in a movie. You’re already transported to another time and place in your mind, wrapped in the arms of someone who’s literally causing you sensory overload. And music is the best way to help take that to a whole other level. Music quickens the rate at which your hands roam their body, … or slows it, depending on what’s streaming out the speakers. Timing is everything, darlings. Let’s get this right, eh? The following songs are tired and true, tested in the laboratory of Tart head/bedquarters. While you really need to know the musical taste of the person you wish to woo, I couldn’t help myself and ended up making you a mixtape. But, ultimately, remember, I’m choosing to give you some music and some ideas and let you take it to it’s final, screaming climax. While this reflects my taste, in all it’s eclecticism, your mileage will vary ;)
You’ll want to start out easy, draw them in… don’t make it too obvious. No one wants to be sledgehammered right away with that big, thick, heavy track you’re just dying to lay on them. Save that one for later, darlings. Ease them into your comfort zone with something sweet and melodic. The Bony King of Nowhere’s album Alas My Love (only available on itunes UK) was released early this year and I’m hoping it doesn’t get neglected at year-end lists because I love it. “The Sunset” is a gentle, soft track that is easy to whisper over, snuggle up to and generally sit down and get comfy. Now, I know I just told you not to hit them over the head with the obvious, but Jessica Lea Mayfield’s “Kiss Me Again” is so perversely romantic that it has to play in here somewhere. By the time you get to this second track you’ll appreciate the irony of it. And besides, I did some of my best work to this song so it holds a special place in my, uh… heart. Yeah, I know With Blasphemy So Heartfelt came out in 2008, but I saw her sing this song in 2009, so I’m sneaking it in.
And you can’t really have too many beautiful women singing in your ear when you’re smooching someone. So let Amanda Zelina take you away with “Love Leads The Way” off her debut, Love Me Till I’m Me Again before we up the ante here. Man or woman will pause to admire her voice, giving you time to run your fingers through their hair, sneak a peek over their body to see what effects your kisses might be having. Oooh, can I have one more song, please? I’d be remiss if I didn’t add a track by J. Tillman and what better song than “Earthly Bodies,” from his latest record, Year in the Kingdom if only for the way he sings the word “belly.” Damn, that makes me…. uh, … warm. How about you? Warmed up yet? As you’re nibbling on their lips, those soft little kisses that tease and make them want to draw you closer, don’t move too fast. Enjoy all the breathy vocals on these, they’re so intimate. Men, don’t think this is just a woman’s game. I’ve had plenty of guys pull this on me as well. It totally works both ways! A real player knows that what’s good applies to all.
Now we hit them with one of the sexiest songs of 2009, seriously. With undulating, synthesized sounds and languid vocals, Still Life Still just ooze sexual energy out their pores on “Planets” from Girls Come Too. I find it unfathomable that two people can listen to this song and not feel the heat rise. So once you’ve got them pressed up tight, perhaps hearing a bit of sighing in your ear, (see why all that music is nice and quiet so far?), and you’ve worked your way down their neck and not abandoned that spot at the base of their throat, (you know the place; always kiss them there, eh?), …then with their hands unbuttoning your shirt, Jogger’s “Napping Captain” comes on. You’ll need this to mask the little groan you’re gonna make when their hand slides onto your chest, or better yet, under your waistband. Sure, let them hear, but not too much. Let them wonder a bit just how much noise you made, trust me. This Great Pressure is a criminally underheard album of 2009. It’s full of surprises and experiments and genre-hopping madness. This track is one of my favorites because it really transverses the divide between indie-folk and electronica in such a cool way. And those are two types of music that I really enjoy, so let this song segue you into the next stage of our session. It’s soft in all the right places and it lulls you into a nice firm (if somewhat frenzied) beat ;)
By this point there definitely should be some repositioning going on. It helps to have a groove going, get settled into a nice beat but a slow one, hope to gain some more familiarity with your victim partner at this stage in the game, or start aiming for those places you already know they like if it’s someone you’ve been on this couch with before. “AVO” by Pure Reason Revolution is my current addiction. In fact, the whole album, Amor Vincit Omnia is a record to get down to. And by the end of this song you’d better have some skin to skin contact or else step away and cool the fuck off, or risk some major friction trauma. This track is not to be attempted by the undecided. If smooching on the sofa is your limit, get off the couch now, m’dear, and bonus points for being honest and not begging, ok?
Now, of course the situation might call for something else entirely. You just might not be the one begging here. If so, dig in! Give them what they want, already! We move on to Apse’s “Blown Doors” from their sophomore album Climb Up (I gave you a clear break between tracks if you need to turn it off and back on to change rooms or something, thank me later.) And well, fuckme, if you’re not negotiating lube, condom, and how to keep their head from banging the headboard soon, then you’ve no business listening to this song! (And darlings, yes… condom, every time, safety first.) Depending on your stamina, how long you’ve been seeing this person (we all know the first time is a write-off, nobody expects a marathon at that point, honest) and how well planned this is, you could get through three or more songs. So be ready; either way you want to have droning, beat-heavy, but still interesting tracks in here. I’ve given you School of Seven Bells‘ “Iamunderdisguise” (another 2008 entry from Alpinisms but again, they were so gorgeous performing it a few months ago, forgive me!) with its intricate, yet not exactly delicate, harmonies and insistent, in all the right ways rhythms.
Warpaint’s “Elephants” is just deliciously all over the place. It’s from their debut Exquisite Corpse, an amazing record by this band who, when they came through Chicago, played one of the most memorable shows of the year with School of Seven Bells and The Depreciation Guild. I like having these small, quiet moments in music with just simple instrumentation and a woman’s voice when I’m fucking. Just a few moments is all you need to catch your breath, or get your head together enough to remember to pay attention again to where your hands are, or to open your eyes, or close them, or whatever it is that you’re not consciously doing because you’ve been so caught up in the moment of whatever delirious stage of the fun you’re in right then. Of course if that moment coincides with the moment when you’re screaming your head off in ecstasy then it makes for a good laugh too; that’s the chance you take! And with a song like “Elephants” that changes pace so often and has more than a few tripped out effects, … well, be brave young lovers. I usually am.
Finally, I’m giving you my favorite, romantic, take-me-in-your-arms-and-gaze-right-into-my-eyes-when-you-kiss-me song of 2009. I’ll be honest here. I’ve seen The Depreciation Guild perform “Dream About Me” twice this year and each time I blushed. It’s simply one of those perfectly calculated crushed-out girl songs and the 13 year-old girl in everyone can’t help but fall for it (guys you know it’s true, you feel it too if you let it happen.) Well, really, it’s more than that. It’s lyrically that crushed-out girl song. But listen to the music. The guitars are lush, the same languid feeling from “Planets” comes out here but in a different way, it’s all Kurt’s smooth voice and the way he and Christoph meld their guitar style into a cohesive piece of sound. Anton’s drumming fills it out along with the 8-bit Famicom-programmed beats. When you look at the audio spectrum of the song in a sound editing program it’s one long, almost solid-looking bar of sound and that’s what it feels like. It’s thick and soft and it envelops you. So… deep breath here, a fitting ending to our session, yes? 11 tracks, that’s what you’ll need. Hopefully I’ve prepared you for the best. Remember, it’s not about the destination, but the journey. Enjoy your lover, my loves! xoxo